6:03 Chris Colfer is the first guest -- "Ryan Murphy is very good at spilling information [on the new season of Glee] that we're not supposed to say." Oh my god, please, please let that be a thinly veiled insult...
6:06 NO POINTS for Nina Dobrev for saying she's honored to be compared to Blake Lively.
6:08 Cobie Smulders looking like the angel that she is...
6:15 The back of Lea Michele's dress is open, and my god. Remember when she wasn't 80 pounds?
6:19 Poor Sarah Hyland is having to apologize for her impression of Lea Michele on Fashion Police this Friday. NO. Do not apologize! It was amazing!!
6:28 Giuliana asks Rainn Wilson why The Office avoided revealing/choosing a new boss for Dundler Mifflin in their season finale. Giuliana! A question that's not about his diet and/or significant other! Good job, girl!
6:40 Darren Criss' glasses: no. No no no. He looks like Terry Richardson.
6:42 The new Charlie's Angels gals seem to have absolutely no chemistry with one another. Yikes.
6:45 Just when things were getting a little boring -- Kathy Griffin kisses Ryan Seacrest on the lips. Thank you, Kathy!
6:50 An absolutely adorable interview with Christina Hendricks, who looks beautiful, and her husband Geoffrey Arend. She always does interviews with him (whereas a lot of other stars have their spouse stand to the side, particularly if they're not famous), and it's clear why -- Ryan asks stupid questions and Geoffrey cracks Christina up. It's very, very sweet.
6:55 As usual, no one (including me) has any idea what Tracy Morgan is saying...
6:58 OH MY GOD ADAM SCOTT IN A TUX --
6:59 -- and Aubrey Plaza, my girl crush/dream doppelganger, looking ah-may-zing. Who is her stylist? She always shuts it down.
7:01 Seth Myers: "I look good, just not as good as the worst-dressed woman here."
7:02 Steve Carrell! Buddy, we've missed you! This is his last Emmys -- for a while, at least -- so here's hoping he wins tonight.
7:05 Hahaaa, I love Seacrest and Joel McHale together. Joel looks great, banters with Ryan about their respective heights, and says hi to the camera crew, who is actually his camera crew for The Soup. Class act.
7:07 Evan Rachel Wood, my second girl crush to show up tonight! And looking beautiful as usual. No one else has ever looked that good with short hair. No one else ever.
7:11 Lizzie Moss doing her usual ethereal, glittery, diamond-y look. Hey, if it ain't broke...
7:19 Only Zooey Deschanel could pull off her dress, and I love it. Some very cute girl talk between her and Julie Bowen. Julie Bowen is a girlfriend.
7:21 AZIZ!
7:22 Ian Somerhalder is rocking 90s boy band hair...
7:26 People who need to show the ef up: Hugh Laurie, Amy Poehler, and Kyle Chandler.
7:28 My wish is the Emmy God's command! It's Amy Poehler and Will Arnett -- and they completely take over, with Will interviewing Amy while Ryan stands to the side. I'm pretty sure they did this at the Golden Globes too, and it's so cute. They're always like two giddy teenagers in love...and she looks beautiful. Love the dress. And the manicure. And the ring.
7:30 Gwenyth looking like a goddess (obviously) in a sexy, sexy, SEXY dress -- practically see-through -- and giving Amy Poehler a huge hug
7:32 Sofia Vergara. Everybody, mute your TVs. (Or at least turn down the volume if you don't want an eardrum blown.)
7:33 I have a love-hate relationship with Rob Lowe, but it's sweet that he always brings his kids.
7:40 John Kraskinski being perfect as usual...
7:43 and Jon Hamm wearing Tom Ford. AS IT SHOULD BE.
7:50 Hamm's GF says their relationship works because there's no secrets. She must not know about Dick Whitman...?
7:51 It's the always-flawless Kate Winslet, acting funny and sweet and British as usual. Love her, love her, love her.
8:00 And it's off to FOX we go! Christina Hendricks is wearing hipster glasses, and rocking them.
8:01 Spock!
8:03 These are the weirdest cameos ever. Randy Jackson? Eric Dane? Kevin Nealon? Jeremy Piven being decidedly un-funny? (Except aw, hearing him yell "Lloyd" made me realize how much it sucks Ari Gold isn't around any more.)
8:05 WAIT, YES. THE MAD MEN BIT. PEGGY! ROGER! DON! AND PETE! PETE!!! I MISS YOU ALL!
8:07 Well, we made it 7 minutes without a Sue reference, and there she is -- tracksuit and all. Yawn...
8:09 Scorsese smiling! My night is made.
8:11 Someone is making a gif of Jon Hamm's finger pistol right now.
8:12 Cobie Smulders is tiny, y'all! This isn't funny, by the way...this singing group thing.
8:12 HAHA, Psych's True Blood impression.
8:13 The party rockers song makes me vomit. I'm serious. I'll be in the bathroom, vomiting.
8:14 This is a funny bit. Fallon is selling it.
8:16 Wow, Julie Bowen for Supporting Comedic Actress -- big upset! I like her, but it should have gone to Kristen Wiig. At least it wasn't Vergara.
8:33 HAH. Brilliant reaction shots from the Modern Family writer's wife. Speaking of Modern Family, the show is cleaning up right now -- winning both supporting awards as well as directing and writing.
8:35 OH MY GOD, TERRIFYING SHOT OF CHARLIE SHEEN GETTING READY IN THE MIRROR. I am scared, you guys. I am scared of that man.
8:40 Jane Lynch: "Welcome back to the Modern Family Awards." Nice.
8:43 I have nothing against Jim Parsons, but this is wrong -- no matter what you think of The Office or Steve Carrell, he deserved this award. That last episode was spectacular.
8:44 Hah! Rob Lowe/the show's writers are as annoyed with Sofia Vergara as I am.
9:06 God almighty, I'm tired of Jon Stewart winning this award. We need some Colbert up there! For once!
9:14 Is it okay if I say these shorts don't exactly translate to stage? Because they really, really don't...but hey! John Stamos! That's always good!
9:16 Love Kristen Wiig cheering for her dudes.
9:17 Unsurprisingly, the Lea Michele-Ian Somerhalder bit is the least funny of the night. She's (obviously) not funny unless she's Rachel Berry, and he's just...brooding off to the side awkwardly.
9:18 Oh yikes, Scott Caan is shorter than the extremely petite Anna Paquin.
9:20 Jon Stewart wins (obviously), but the best thing about this? Colbert's totally gracious reaction -- he leaps to his feet to give Jon a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. And wait -- my first serious laugh-out-loud moment of the night -- the reaction shot of Jimmy Fallon's pissed-off slow clap. Amazing. Need gif now.
9:21 Jon Stewart, speaking in TV language -- "it's our first callback of the night."
9:22 Jon Stewart's shout-out to Colbert is perfect -- "he's exquisite," Stewart says, and it's true. A surprisingly humble speech from J. Stew, and ahem, nice to see some female writers up there with him. (Whatever, I said it.)
9:29 What a cool drama montage. I don't care what anyone says or believes -- there is so much good TV on right now, particularly in the past 10 years. Some TV -- not all, but some -- is spectacular.
9:30 Oh, man. Longtime FNL viewers, it's our happy ending after all.
9:33 Margo Martindale FTW! Love the shot of the Justified cast and crew. Timothy Olyphant, we've come so far...the juice was worth the squeeze, right?
9:46 Dinklage gets Best Supporting Actor in a Drama for Game of Thrones. So exciting. A very cool speech -- he thanks his dog sitter, acknowledges the other nominees -- "Come on. Any of you could be up here," and tells his wife she's just "amazing." Also, jeeeeze -- had no idea the Game of Thrones writers were so young! Those guys are living the dream.
9:52 You can't punch the handsome off Anderson Cooper.
9:54 Aww, man. This isn't a surprise, but I was pulling for either Connie or Elisabeth.
9:58 Everyone in this category deserves it, but Jon Hamm -- please?
9:59 Wow, wow, wow. Kyle Chandler gets it. Wow. Really though this was Jon Hamm's year.
10:08 Evan Rachel Wood just kills it whenever she's on screen. You can't take your eyes off of her. And Jane Lynch gets the best joke of the night with the cast of Entourage as the reason she's a lesbian.
10:24 LESLIE NIELSEN.
10:34 Guy Pearce should get this...
10:35 and he does! "You're an extraordinary women," he says to Kate Winslet, and gives a funny and charming speech (which I didn't think he had in him after his CREEPIEST AND COMPLETELY CONVINCING PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME as Andy Warhol in Factory Girl).
10:36 Finally, finally, finally Hugh Laurie.
10:38 Kate Winslet's jumping up and down thing is a little too enthused, but I love her, so I'll let it be. Umm, she's fast on her way to an EGOT, right? Does she have a Tony? Gwenyth Paltrow is, too -- she's got an Emmy now (for Holly Holiday on Glee), an Oscar, and could certainly try for a Tony...
10:49 Mad Men wins for Best Drama -- well deserved, but still bittersweet because I do think Jon Hamm getting Best Actor should have been how the night went. Plus, Mad Men has won this three times before.
10:55 I love how Gwenyth Paltrow doesn't need a guy to walk her out. Goddesssss...
10:58 Modern Family wins for Best Comedy. Shocking. Can we wrap this up so I can go watch the new Breaking Bad now?
11:00 That's it, everybody! Thank you all so much for reading...(Mom)...this was fun! Good night and good luck!
